My heart is in several pieces.

I used to think that home meant family, the people that you know and care for, but being in Valencia has given me a new sense of the word home. I think it has expanded my definition.

Home is the familiar, the comfortable. Home is the highway sign that reads “Route 68, Home Avenue.” Home is the white pavilion next to the green pond. The white arbor with its five roses. The smell of burning wood in the wood stove. The small strip of ten fast food like restaurants. Home is that big building where we gather together to worship.

But home is also the big castle doors and the small tiny candy shops. The huge ancient cathedrals and the modern opera house. Home is late night walks from the train station to the chilly house on the seventh floor. The smell of cigarettes and fresh poop. Home is that tiny school and Cafe de Camillo.

I don’t know when Valencia became “home,” I think it’s when I stopped fighting my insecurities and accepted this new way of life. When I looked through Gods eyes at these strange new people and saw his beautiful handiwork. I know it only dawned on me last night when coming back from Madrid felt like coming home.

Is it possible to have two homes?

All I know is that leaving Valencia will mean leaving a small part of my heart with the place and the people. It also means returning to a place where I left a huge chunk of my heart three months ago. And it means starting the process all over again in January, in a new place with new faces.

Can someone get tired of finding new homes?

Maybe it’s just my personality but I would be content with three homes maybe four. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be constantly moving and I have to say I don’t envy the people that do. Nor do I relish the thought of it.

For me, there is a reason why it’s hard to leave home, I like the comfortable the familiar, the “easy.” But something I’ve found is that God likes to work in the uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and uneasy. I think it’s in those times, when you’re grasping at that final straw, reaching for that hand that is almost out of reach, that there is a moment of truth. And in that moment God reveals some truth to you about himself and He reveals some truth to you about yourself that at times can be life altering.

I may not get my wish . . .

I may be moving around and around and around until I die or The Kingdom comes! To that I say this:

The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let the one who hears say, “Come!” . . . He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon.” AMEN. COME, LORD JESUS.” – Revelations 22:17&20

I believe that’s the day that my heart will cease to be in so many pieces, in so many places.

I’m excited about that day!

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3 thoughts on “My heart is in several pieces.

  1. John Cato says:

    As a pastor’s son I can relate to having a heart torn between numerous homes. I love how you have chosen to embrace the duplicity of it all. When I find myself longing for one home or another I can drift into feelings that I have no true home at all. At these times the Spirit reminds me that this land is just a place of sojourn. It has its joys and places of comfort but we journey to a place of perfect oneness with our Creator. Chris Rice described it well in his song “Belong”

    Fading memories ignored
    I crawl across the forest floor
    Pool reflects an orphan child
    Dirty, lost, alone and wild
    Fatherless and nameless still
    Fallen heart and broken, will
    there ever be a place where I belong

    I cower ‘neath the monster trees
    And try to stand on tired feet
    But gravity knocks me to the ground
    Where I give up, and tears roll down
    I claw the dust and beg the end
    Curse the day that I began
    to hope there’d be a place where I belong

    I hear a sound I recognize
    You lift my chin and seek my eyes
    Song of love You sing to me
    I ache to sing it back to Thee
    “Father Love prepares a place
    Brother Jesus leads the way
    Follow to the place where you belong!”

    How did I miss this wondrous song?
    The forest sang it all along
    “River rinses all your shame
    Father offers you His name
    Father Love prepares a home
    Brother Jesus leads you on
    Follow to the place where you belong!”

    “Father Love prepares a place
    Brother Jesus leads the way
    Follow to the place where you belong
    Follow to the place where you belong!”

    We love you guys and are praying for you.

    Uncle John

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