just thinking.

I feel like this might be something you’ve heard from us for a while, but it’s been on my heart and I feel like sharing. I know God directs my path and his plans for me are good, but sometimes I wish he would tell me why, or what I’m supposed to be learning in the midst of everything. Maybe he is and I’m just not listening. That’s probably the answer. I feel like a kid who sees the obstacle course but is so wrapped up in what finishing will bring, that I miss or sidestep some of the obstacles in my haste. Unfortunately (or fortunately) they keep reappearing. Because everyone knows you can’t sidestep an obstacle and still finish a true winner. Am I so daft that I keep missing the lesson? Right now all I see is an extremely hard business test all in Spanish and my fear of not being able to pass it. What’s the big picture, sure I know the end is coming, but what is it I need to learn . . . patience? I don’t think God would send me all the way to Spain to teach me nothing. Compassion? Maybe I have too much pride, the Lord knows it’s been hard to keep hold of that with all the mistakes I’ve been making. I think what makes me most frustrated is that I might not know for some time, it might take a year or two or ten to be able to look back and say “wow! That’s what it was, how silly I was not to see it!” I’m under the impression that God always has something to teach you either about people or yourself, it just hangs on whether or not you’re into listening (even though sometimes it’s not in your power to cover your ears). Am I wrong in thinking this? And yet, in the midst of all this self thought and frustration I hope I’m not hindering the Gospel both in my life and in those around me so absorbed in myself that I truly do miss the lesson, jeez my brain hurts. Sometimes I wish I didn’t think so much . . . Anyone have any words of wisdom?
-Jak

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One thought on “just thinking.

  1. melody says:

    PRAYING FOR YOU! Sometimes I think that we look for some amazingly big reason God takes us places when all He wants us to do is stay the course….not give up….not stop trusting Him or looking for ways to be His light even if it is in very small things. To find strength in knowing He loves us and promises to be there with us even when we feel like we have no strength left or can’t feel His arms around us. I can imagine with your desire to do your very best and the gift you have been given of achieving good grades that it might be very difficult for you to consider not being prepared/able to do well on a test and how this is not only frustrating but overwhelming for you. Please know that these are all things that I know in my head but MANY TIMES have struggled with in my own life. It seems they get stuck in my head and don’t reach my heart as I ask questions so many times in my own life. I will be praying specifically that God will encourage your heart…I have no idea what that means but I trust His love for you and the fact that He knows EXACTLY what will do that and has the ability to do that when you are so far away from what is familiar to you or those that you would turn to for encouragement. I pray that you will sense in a special way His care for you today. That He will show you something amazing there that will remind you how being there allows you to experience and grow in ways that you couldn’t if you were here. That your head knowledge of His promises to you will be felt in your heart to give you courage, strength, some understanding and peace in your spirit that is missing right now. I pray that knowing you have done the best you can will suffice in this overwhelming test and that your drive to always get the best grades will not be defeating. I love you Jaklyn!!! You are prayed for many times each day!!!! Praying for your heart relationship with God/your relationship with Grayson in these strange and stressful situations/ for your relationship with Mercedes/ for those that God places in your path each day/ for your teachers and your mind in understanding and learning Spanish/ and your confidence in God’s plan for your life. melody

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